i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
