Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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