Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
