Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
