Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We are two peas in an std pod
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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