I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
