Are we in a gay sports bar?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
