My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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