we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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