I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
