Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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