this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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