So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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