i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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