Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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