i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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