I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
