it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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