sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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