Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
