so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
