i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
