if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
17 year olds will be the death of me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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