Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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