As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
