He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
