I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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