Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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