I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
