you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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