whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
