she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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