well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
