I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
