Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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