Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
