Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
