i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
