i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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