And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Magyver!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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