Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
