Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
