Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
