I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
