Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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