why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
