He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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