Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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