Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
