I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
