I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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